How One Word Helped Me Regain Control Over My Life

YES - one word changed everything and is not what you think...

Let’s be honest: saying yes is easier. Saying yes avoids awkward moments, keeps people happy, and spares you the guilt of letting someone down. But have you noticed that every time you say YES when you really mean NO, a tiny part of you feels heavier?

Am I crazy?  Are you selfish? NO!  You’re human. And every “YES” that goes against what you want or need adds another weight to the invisible backpack you carry every single day.

It might be as simple as agreeing to host a family dinner when your own home is a mess just because your in laws suggest. Or saying yes to another work task when you’re already overwhelmed with the ones at hand. Or my favorite; letting a friend vent for hours while you silently feel like screaming. These moments don’t just take away your time—they drain your soul. And over time, the weight becomes heavier and eventually unbearable.

For most of us, the thought of saying NO comes with a fear of judgment. I know for sure I was thinking, “What if they get upset? What if they think I’m incompetent, rude, or selfish?”

And that fear isn’t just in your mind—it’s in your brain. Our brains are hard wired to seek connection and avoid conflict because, in ancient times, being part of the group meant survival. Back then, saying no to the tribe could mean life or death. Today, it’s more about emotional survival.

But the irony is that every time you avoid saying NO to protect someone else’s feelings, you’re abandoning your own. And your brain? It’s keeping score. Over time, the cost of all those “yeses” shows up as stress, burnout, and resentment.

SO HOW ABOUT BOUNDARIES?

You see, I’ve learned that when we set a boundary, we’re giving our brain permission to rest.

Science shows that boundaries, when built from a space of awareness, lower cortisol (your stress hormone) and protect your mental clarity and emotional energy, ensuring you have enough left for yourself and for the people and things that you decide they truly matter.

But yet there is a part no one tells you: boundaries aren’t hard just for you—they’re hard for the people who benefit from you not having them. When you start saying NO, some people might resist. They might try to guilt you or argue.

That’s not a sign you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign you’re finally standing up for yourself. Stay calm, stay firm, and remember: you’re allowed to protect your energy, even if it makes others uncomfortable. Because just think about it: if you’re constantly giving 100% to everyone else, what’s left for you?

When you set boundaries, you’re not just protecting yourself—you’re teaching others how to respect you. 

I used to think that setting boundaries would make people think less of me. I worried I’d lose friends or disappoint family. And I was right- I lost some but you know what I realized? The people who truly care about me respected my boundaries. And the ones who didn’t? Well, they never really cared about me—just what I could do for them.

So boundaries don’t make you a bad person. They make you a stronger, happier person. And when you’re stronger, you’re better equipped to show up for the people and things that matter most to you.

If this resonates with you, my free mini-course on “How to build healthy boundaries and regain your self esteem”  is exactly what you need to take the next step. It goes deeper into how people-pleasing and the inability to set boundaries are connected to your self-esteem and self-worth. You’ll discover where this pattern begins, why it feels so hard to say “NO” and how to finally break free from it.

It comes with a practical workbook to guide you, step by step to:

• Set healthy boundaries
• Saying NO with assertiveness ( tips and examples)
• Build self-esteem through healthy boundaries.
• Stop people pleasing and earn confidence
• Finally start saying “YES” - not to everybody but to yourself.

Get yours FREE GUIDE here: Say Yes to Yourself: Your Quick Guide to Self-Esteem